The Final Lap: PACIFY MY SOUL

So I have decided to write everyday till my final exams begin (or at least every other day). One hidden truth is I’m scared, sorry I meant really scared. Results were pasted at the department two days ago; I barely managed to escape an F in Computer Graphics. Generally, this year I had the worst result I have had so far since I began at the University; gathering a good number of Cs and a D and subsequently sucking my GP horribly. Let’s get something clear, this post is not one where I try to encourage myself or try to justify my grade point crash. By May I would be a graduate and just as I said yesterday, I think I am more anxious than excited. What next? Go for a higher degree? Get a job?

 ……………If I decided to go for a higher one, where? What does tomorrow hold for me? Those questions bang my head alomost every second…I have had a good time at the university I must admit. I have met a lot of wonderful people who I wouldn’t ordinarily want to leave if i did have a choice.. Of the 8 of us who were roommates in 100level, only 4 are left……… What about routine? what happens to routine after college?  Friends? Love.. ? where do I even get to serve? will i understad their language? Eat their food?…
Ordinarily, if I told anyone or even if anyone ranted these same thing ‘at’ me  the reply would be “Stop worrying and let it all take its course”……. am not worried, am just anxious. Generally speaking, results were bad this year so many sad people around, tears did pour like rain yesterday ; was I a part of them? Nah! but why??…… Now that’s a big question! Even i dont know! I didnt eve feel bad at all … Ordinarily, I would have felt really sad. The other time I had a B and a C in my two General studies courses (having had an A in the rest), I was very sad; in short though I wouldn’t regard it as crying but water dropped from my eyes even to my own surprise but yesterday??! What could have been my comfort? Have I finally lost interest? Or could I have  become indifferent? Am I worrying so much about the unnecessary? Or have I even become unserious? May be not! [ At least I can answer that last one]
What about the government? What happens to the elections? “The dogs and baboons will bath in blood;… if we lose we would form a parallel government…” VS “50 billion Naira, orishirishi and all the excess crude money missing”??.. Who are we supposed to go vote for? The self-proclaimed agent of change who has no control over his own tongue and the tongue of the so called chieftains of his party people OR the one who nobody, not even himself knows what he is doing??! ……………………………Maybe we should vote for the party huh??….. What party?? The one that was established without a vision? Whose sole reason for existence is to kick out the ruling party? Whose founders and chief members are aggrieved political hoes who had issues with their previous parties and decamped OR the one whose reign has been naturally characterized by corruption and missing money at whatever level they occupy??……… What happened to the currency? Blood of Jesus!! From 150 to 215 in barely 90 days!!! …………….. Would we return to school after the elections?? How many of our friends and family would still be alive?? Wouldn’t it turn into some sought of tribal rubbish as usual( taking 2007 and 2011 into consideration)……… Would I hide in my room? Would I run away? Would I stand for what I believe?? Big Questions!!
Am running my final lap and I am trying to totally discover myself before I leave. My soul is troubled! I wish I could just sit quietly and patiently watch till I graduate then let things flow whatever way they wish …. But sadly, I can’t !!! Maybe because i understand the fact that a tiger doesn’t declare its tigertude. It pounces!
(@joeloseiga)