The Conundrum of Manhood, the Zip, The Girls and the Thread!

“My elders don’t let us argue much over this issue. Just as Mazi Ugochukwu has said, let the thread face the cut and let the zip face the wrath”
Chief Okonkwo exclaimed, almost hitting the tray littered with pieces of kolanuts, as he slammed the wooden table placed amidst the community elders sitted round at the center of Mr. Ugochukwu’s sitting room
“Nonsense! My people, the people of Umuaka! —

Mr. Eze stood up from his chair, paused a second and gazed at the corners of the sitting room where everybody is gathered, as if perplexed by the art works scattered over the wall; like he had never seen them before. Then he continued

The Final Lap: PACIFY MY SOUL

So I have decided to write everyday till my final exams begin (or at least every other day). One hidden truth is I’m scared, sorry I meant really scared. Results were pasted at the department two days ago; I barely managed to escape an F in Computer Graphics. Generally, this year I had the worst result I have had so far since I began at the University; gathering a good number of Cs and a D and subsequently sucking my GP horribly. Let’s get something clear, this post is not one where I try to encourage myself or try to justify my grade point crash. By May I would be a graduate and just as I said yesterday, I think I am more anxious than excited. What next? Go for a higher degree? Get a job?

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS... WELCOME TO 2015

So, I just finished my exams yesterday! YAY!! I am so excited. Now, I have just six courses left before finally becoming a graduate. School has been a lot of fun for me this year….. Well, thanks to my exams and crazy courses like Computer Graphics, I haven’t been able to wish everyone here a happy new year. So, welcome to 2015! 2014 was wonderful, I sure was a better me. How was cross over? Mine was quite an event because I didn’t attend my local church …

LIFE AS AN INTERN.

 Ok dear readers, you know, unlike what I had imagined a long time ago before my IT began, I really hardly have anytime for myself. I go to work at around 7 am and return home very tired anytime between 6pm and 9pm and of course, you know the next thing is to fall on the bed and sleep .. So, I am really sorry I haven’t posted anything in a long time... Lol, well, IT has been fun *ish* I have met quite a number of people and it has really exposed me to another part of life.. really.. Today, I will talk briefly about a few of my IT experiences at The Obafemi Awolowo University but before I continue, guess what? I have grown taller by 0.5 inches and bigger too lol.. check my picture out.lol..ok, and one more thing; I LOVE YOU BIMBO :-D and maybe Love doesn’t suck afterall :D

LIFE AS AN INTERN

The funny thing is I remember having a brief discussion with Keji sometime last semester and I sounded so excited that I was going to have my IT somewhere away from home and I was going to be staying alone for the first time in my life  and I remember how she looked at me and promised me it wasn’t going to be a very funny experience .. lol, sorry keji, the experience has actually been funny but not in the very comfortable way I thought though..  Ok let’s check out some of my experiences..

1)      I Thought I could Cook

Before my IT, I used to tell most of my female friends who had a reason to ask “Oj, can you cook?” that “see ehn, If I cook for you, you will just marry me”..lol.. Marry ko!! Actually, my IT opened my eyes to the fact that if I did cook for you then, you might probably not even talk to me again  ..I couldn’t cook at all!! It then occurred to me that I had really never cooked all on my own before; my younger sister Rhoda was always there to tell me when to put which ingredients and in what quantity.. Well, the first meal I cooked was a disaster and unfortunately, it was beans. First I put salt when I was boiling it and I added ororo (vegetable oil) instead of palm oil. Then I didn’t put onions and I put plenty of pepper (I thought it was the pepper that gives it that really brownish red color) . lol when the thing wasn’t looking like beans I had to call my sister.. After she laughed at me for the first 3 minutes of my call she even decided to play with my head.. She asked me to add more pepper, add palm oil with garlic and onions (trust me, I had every single ingredient you can think of) well I did and funny enough, my beans was now looking like real beans.. wow! I was so happy …..UNTIL I tasted it!! The beans was soo peppery and it dint even taste like beans sef, it tasted more of beans-ish.

10 DUMB REASONS WHY GIRLS SAY NO!

I kinda woke up very happy this morning... I had a real fun filled Friday night.. I sure did Thank God it’s Friday yesterday night.. lol…  My IT has been fun and I probably wouldn’t have ever had it better anyway...

Quite unfortunately, my friend just suffered a heartbreak and I really feel for him o…..  after all the credit that boy used during the toasting process (all that money would have summed to the whole  of my pocket money  ) it’s very painful and the sad thing is the girl said “It’s not you.. It’s me” and this bro just lay on the bed SPEECHLESS!

First let me give a shout out to The Sarcastic Center (TSCNG) he actually inspired me to write this post after reading something similar on his blog (www.tscng.wordpress.com) .. Big Shout out to you bro..

Well, if you have ever loved a girl, then you should be familiar with heartbreak.. it’s like they  work hand in hand.. as in, I mean  with love comes heartbreak.. Don’t get me wrong oo... if you want to break up or tell the guy NO! Please do ,but  try not to  throw him into a state of :

Sometimes anyway, hearts are meant to be broken (in a way) but Please lady, if you will break a heart, try to put some effort into it. ..`and don’t turn him into Hitler.. I actually just leant that Hitler became the way he was just because a babe told him NO! (that’s his business anyway)..

So today, I want to examine some of the silliest reasons girls give for saying NO … oya, let’s go check them out.. and me I will tell you their real meanings o.. in case your babe once told you or ever tells you anyway…

11)      “You deserve better….”   
 
     Whenever a girl actually throws a NO at you with this reason, just go and cry somewhere… the truth is, that” you deserve better” actually means .. “ may amadioha strike you dead!.. me?? Go out with you?? Ye! Am I that terrible?? God Forbid!!” Bro, just lock up unless you are ready to kiss her toes and the sole of her foot .. just then MIGHT she say a yes out of PITY ..but the truth is the real meaning of “You Deserve Better” IS “I deserve better than you”  she probably will go get a mirror and weight balance after that day anyway ;)

22)      “My feelings for you are so Intense… they scare me…”   
 
      sorry bro.. this time it’s a NO!! .. if you like kiss her shoes from today till tomorrow, the answer will still be NO! she actually means “my feelings for you are totally nonexistent”

33)      “You are like a brother to me….” 
 
       OMG!! Sorry bro!! This one is bad!! It could actually mean many things..  It could be a synonym for “you are like a maga to me” because you might  have probably taken her to the mall, a cinema, several dates  and all .. Bro might have been so sure NOTHING in this world would make her say no but!! Alas!! She put him in the “like a brother” zone..  Chill, hope you know there is a difference between a “brother zone” and a “like a brother zone”  .. if she says “you are a brother to me” then that is the brother zone.. it means she can lean on you, she can call you when she is troubled (and all those other Bollywood rubbish shaa) in short ehn, she can  almost trust you with her life .. but in the “like a brother zone” the poor girl is even confused.. She doesn’t even know where to put you!  but definitely not the brother zone.. It means “you confuse me” .. “you are confusion” ..”you will confuse my life” soo… NO!! … bro .. Just try not to hang yourself!

44)      “I need my Space…” ..
 
       Ha bro! This one is bad o… don’t let me even drag it or deceive you.. Let me put it to you straight! It means ..” I want to get far far far far far far away from you” (Maybe as far as from Bupaf to CHS and back).. Or who knows.. maybe even Further … just don’t try again

55)       “ You are a great guy .. BUT…”
    

     At this point ehn, just close your ears and RUN!! Run bro Run!! Because whatever comes after that “but” might crash your self-esteem and morale forever.. Then you won’t be able to go out with her, then you won’t be able to toast any other girl, then you won’t date anybody,  then you won’t marry, then you won’t have children, then you will now die single!! Ha! Ti Eh Ba Eh niyen!! You are in soup!! Your life is messed up ba yen!! See, just run away o and don’t ask again.. shikena

66)      “ I don’t know joo …”
 
      This one is a lie!! How won’t you know gbo??  She knows oo? Don’t mind her! It means .. “ I can’t date you but I cant let you go oo.. Who will be buying me birthday gift? Who will be keeping seat for me in chapel? Shey me I will now enter chapel and be looking for seat ni? When you are there? Who will call me every night to ask how my day was? Who will buy me suya and shawama? .. if I hear!! You are not going anywhere oo “ it means bro, you are still very useful to her so she can’t let you go like that just yet!!

lol… there are many more reasons but no space ..

 

 Moreover, I now have a job … as in I now work   !lol.. (I am doing my industrial train … and this people can use me for Africa without paying me a dime) 

so dear ladies, please no matter how hard he disturbs you, kindly cool it down before you drop it… you better don’t let him take poison .. I pity you!.. lol..

Ok, I Love you .. Drop your comments and follow me on IG @oseigajoel and on twitter @joeloseiga .. bye J

NIGERIA'S SHORT SAD STORY

This Little Girl is Someone's daughter killed in the Borno Massacre.. Is her mother alive to weep for her or bury her? She didnt deserve this :(

Nigerian Kids deserve to live. They are not politicians and should not be used as pawns. 20 female students where adopted by Boko Haram,and we know they will be used as sex slaves.

Now over 30 students were slaughtered like rams and their hostel burnt down and it is business as usual. No! We must do our little part to put an end to this,lets make March 3rd The Nigerian Child Right to Live day.

All display pictures, status updates and blog posts  should reflect this. It is high time we spoke with one voice.

Any of those kids could be ours.

Share if you believe the future of Nigeria is in our children and they deserve to live. This might just be the spark that will ignite change for our future.  :(
Join that movernment TODAY. 

10 DUMB EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE

Hey dear, how are you doing.. well, of recent I have been pretty miserable ..it looks like my two weeks as a sales boy didn’t actually end after two weeks..  this is might forth week (thanks to my mum it’s now by FORCE!!) and it’s really NOT FUNNY! Oh, and I remember telling you to try it sometime, well PLEASE DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME!! 

Thank you. Lol..  well I am preparing to go for my IT and I will be starting next week Monday..  I really hope it will be fun sha because for the first time in my life, I will be living  totally ALONE!! As in when I mean “alone” I mean I am getting a room, paying rent, cooking for myself (now, that’s the very miserable part) and making some decisions all by myself. Well, I know of course that it is going to be fun (I guess *rolls eyes*) ..lol, don’t worry, I will gist you a lot about it when I start shaa… ok, so yesterday I spoke to one of the closest and most amazing people in my life;  Amiola Damilola (I really miss her though) and then she brought up the issue of marriage and relationships :-o !!.. lol well, that was where I got the inspiration to write this shaa.. 

It is addressed mainly to guys who are still single for the following reasons and I really think they are dumb shaa.. lol check it out:   chill, Before you continue, I have to make reference to TSCNG I got some of these reasons from there shaa ; www.tsng.wordpress.com .. lol it’s a great blog and I love reading his posts a lot though I don’t know the owner.. you can check it out sometime .. oya lets see..